According to an article on Wikipedia, shut up it's more accurate than the Encyclopedia Britannica, an independent source found that"over 90% of eHarmony
couples had marriage quality scores which were above average when
compared to couples who had begun their relationships elsewhere.
eHarmony couples were more than twice as likely to be in highly
successful marriages than non-eHarmony couples. Not only are eHarmony
couples 35% more likely than other married couples to report that they
enjoy spending time together, but we found they are nearly twice as
likely to report that their marriages are "extremely happy" or better
versus other recently married couples.
Wow, sounds like finding love online may have some benefits. Let's tone it down a little though. After all, we are talking about Craigslist here. If eHarmony is the Kobe Beef of dating sites, then Craigslist hovers around the Spam area. That doesn't mean you can't find someone online. You just have to put your best foot forward. Here's rules 6-10.
Rule 6: Be Original
I know this one sounds fairly obvious, but after years of living, I have realized that there is no such thing as obvious. Most of you are stupid. Sorry, it's a fact.
Do you like movies? Music? Hanging out with friends? Going out for drinks on the weekends? Really? Guess what? You've told us absolutely nothing. Why? Because everyone likes doing those things. You need to find a way to make yourself standout among the sea of mediocrity. Think of it this way. When you go out with your friends to the bar, what do you wear? Probably something that you think you look great in. Something that makes you stand out. So why wouldn't you do that online? Give yourself a chance to be noticed. That leads us to...
Rule 7: Be Honest
I have seen a ridiculous amount of people lying all over the place online. Why would you do that? If you are serious about meeting people, they will find out the truth at some point. Don't tell us your 30 when your 35. Don't tell us you are of average build when you are fat (see rule 1). Don't tell us you have a job when you don't.
All of these lies happen and they happen a lot. I'm sure there are tons more out there too. If you want to be successful in love, lying is always a bad idea. So don't do it online either.
Rule 8: More Info on Pictures
I know I already said not to put up nude pics but after seeing so many awful clothed pics, I decided to give you some guidelines on those too.
Please don't take a picture in the mirror. It tells us two things. One, you are too stupid to figure out how to take a picture of yourself and two, you are such a loser that you don't have any pictures already taken of you. I don't care how sexy you think you look, taking your picture in the mirror makes you look like a 14 year old girl on myspace. Oh, and if you use the flash... Find a cliff and try and learn to fly.
Guys, keep your shirt on. Yes, I know it's kind of like the penis thing. If you have it flaunt it, right? Wrong! When you go out to meet people do you walk around without your shirt? No. Having a picture of yourself with your shirt off makes you look like a cocky jackass. By the way, why are you fat guys taking your shirts off at all? The thin guys can argue that they have muscles, but it looks like you are actively trying to not find someone.
Girls, stop making duck faces and taking pictures at weird angles. Duck faces make you look like you just drank lemon juice and weird angles won't make you look thin (see rules 1 & 7). Are there ways to make you look thinner on camera? Yes, but you aren't a professional photographer, so knock that shit off. We want to know what you really look like.
Why can't you people just take normal pictures? We want to see what you look like. We don't want to see your friends, or your ex, or the deer you just killed, or how cool your tattoo is, or how sexy your pimped out yellow cavalier is. Do you see where I'm going? We want to see you! Just you.
Oh, and one more thing. If you don't have a picture in the post, don't ask us for one. Sorry, you wrote the post. If you want a pic in our response, show us one up front. I know, you're embarrassed at the fact you are posting on Craigslist (see rule 10) and you don't want anyone to find out, but it's just rude that we have to put everything out there and you don't. Think of it this way. If you go to a skanky strip club and get spotted, the person who sees you is there themselves, so they have nothing on you.
Rule 9: Learn to Write
I've seen more beautifully written posts scratched onto bathroom stalls than on Craigslist.
Now do I mean that you have to be perfect? No! I probably have typos and grammatical errors all over this thing. However, for the most part, you can understand what I am saying. If you are looking for a smart, intelligent, somebody, don't make yourself look like an idiot. Read the post over a few times, don't just rely on the spellchecker, and for God's sake spell the entire word out. If typing a post takes up too much of your time, then so will a relationship.
If you are looking for ass, no one will care. But, if you are looking for love, only fellow idiots will respond. We've all spoken to people who are below are pay grade level mentally and most of the time it's annoying. No one wants to date an idiot.
Rule 10: Don't Use Craigslist
Yeah, yeah, I know, but seriously. If you use Craigslist to find love, you are an idiot. People who post there break all of these rules all of the time. Why? Because they are idiots. They are usually desperate people who can't find love because the spend all day trolling the personals instead of going out and being social. Why would you want to date anyone like that? If you want to use online personals check out Plenty of Fish. It's free and not as stupid.
Final Thought:
People are social creatures. It's in our blood. To be happy, we need to be around other people. Go out. Do things. You'll meet people. Yes, most of you relationships will end in failure, but that's life. If you are too scared to really put yourself out there, then you aren't really ready for love anyway. Stop trolling through a sea of just pure shit and start looking for something great.
Is this post serious? Not really. I just saw a lot of ridiculous things you people put on Craigslist and it pissed me off. Trust me, I'll rant about our collective stupidity later.
Think. Discuss. Comment.
Wow, sounds like finding love online may have some benefits. Let's tone it down a little though. After all, we are talking about Craigslist here. If eHarmony is the Kobe Beef of dating sites, then Craigslist hovers around the Spam area. That doesn't mean you can't find someone online. You just have to put your best foot forward. Here's rules 6-10.
Rule 6: Be Original
I know this one sounds fairly obvious, but after years of living, I have realized that there is no such thing as obvious. Most of you are stupid. Sorry, it's a fact.
Do you like movies? Music? Hanging out with friends? Going out for drinks on the weekends? Really? Guess what? You've told us absolutely nothing. Why? Because everyone likes doing those things. You need to find a way to make yourself standout among the sea of mediocrity. Think of it this way. When you go out with your friends to the bar, what do you wear? Probably something that you think you look great in. Something that makes you stand out. So why wouldn't you do that online? Give yourself a chance to be noticed. That leads us to...
Rule 7: Be Honest
I have seen a ridiculous amount of people lying all over the place online. Why would you do that? If you are serious about meeting people, they will find out the truth at some point. Don't tell us your 30 when your 35. Don't tell us you are of average build when you are fat (see rule 1). Don't tell us you have a job when you don't.
All of these lies happen and they happen a lot. I'm sure there are tons more out there too. If you want to be successful in love, lying is always a bad idea. So don't do it online either.
Rule 8: More Info on Pictures
I know I already said not to put up nude pics but after seeing so many awful clothed pics, I decided to give you some guidelines on those too.
Please don't take a picture in the mirror. It tells us two things. One, you are too stupid to figure out how to take a picture of yourself and two, you are such a loser that you don't have any pictures already taken of you. I don't care how sexy you think you look, taking your picture in the mirror makes you look like a 14 year old girl on myspace. Oh, and if you use the flash... Find a cliff and try and learn to fly.
Guys, keep your shirt on. Yes, I know it's kind of like the penis thing. If you have it flaunt it, right? Wrong! When you go out to meet people do you walk around without your shirt? No. Having a picture of yourself with your shirt off makes you look like a cocky jackass. By the way, why are you fat guys taking your shirts off at all? The thin guys can argue that they have muscles, but it looks like you are actively trying to not find someone.
Girls, stop making duck faces and taking pictures at weird angles. Duck faces make you look like you just drank lemon juice and weird angles won't make you look thin (see rules 1 & 7). Are there ways to make you look thinner on camera? Yes, but you aren't a professional photographer, so knock that shit off. We want to know what you really look like.
Why can't you people just take normal pictures? We want to see what you look like. We don't want to see your friends, or your ex, or the deer you just killed, or how cool your tattoo is, or how sexy your pimped out yellow cavalier is. Do you see where I'm going? We want to see you! Just you.
Oh, and one more thing. If you don't have a picture in the post, don't ask us for one. Sorry, you wrote the post. If you want a pic in our response, show us one up front. I know, you're embarrassed at the fact you are posting on Craigslist (see rule 10) and you don't want anyone to find out, but it's just rude that we have to put everything out there and you don't. Think of it this way. If you go to a skanky strip club and get spotted, the person who sees you is there themselves, so they have nothing on you.
Rule 9: Learn to Write
I've seen more beautifully written posts scratched onto bathroom stalls than on Craigslist.
Now do I mean that you have to be perfect? No! I probably have typos and grammatical errors all over this thing. However, for the most part, you can understand what I am saying. If you are looking for a smart, intelligent, somebody, don't make yourself look like an idiot. Read the post over a few times, don't just rely on the spellchecker, and for God's sake spell the entire word out. If typing a post takes up too much of your time, then so will a relationship.
If you are looking for ass, no one will care. But, if you are looking for love, only fellow idiots will respond. We've all spoken to people who are below are pay grade level mentally and most of the time it's annoying. No one wants to date an idiot.
Rule 10: Don't Use Craigslist
Yeah, yeah, I know, but seriously. If you use Craigslist to find love, you are an idiot. People who post there break all of these rules all of the time. Why? Because they are idiots. They are usually desperate people who can't find love because the spend all day trolling the personals instead of going out and being social. Why would you want to date anyone like that? If you want to use online personals check out Plenty of Fish. It's free and not as stupid.
Final Thought:
People are social creatures. It's in our blood. To be happy, we need to be around other people. Go out. Do things. You'll meet people. Yes, most of you relationships will end in failure, but that's life. If you are too scared to really put yourself out there, then you aren't really ready for love anyway. Stop trolling through a sea of just pure shit and start looking for something great.
Is this post serious? Not really. I just saw a lot of ridiculous things you people put on Craigslist and it pissed me off. Trust me, I'll rant about our collective stupidity later.
Think. Discuss. Comment.
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