How to Write a Craigslist Personal: Part 1

I have nothing against looking for love online. 

An Oxford University study suggests that nearly one in three of us who use the internet have visited online dating sites. An international survey of 24,000 men and women who are presently online found that just six percent had gone to dating websites in 1997 but by 2009, 30 percent of the sample had tried them with 15 percent finding their current partner that way. (Full Report Here)

After one of my buddies found a great girl on the personals section of Craigslist, I began to wonder how often that happens. My curiosity led me to all of the different personal sections of Craigslist and just an fyi, some of you people in the casual encounters section are sick. The first thing I noticed is that there are hardly any women under 60 posting. The next thing I noticed is that all of the men seemed completely lame. After reading some great, but mostly horrible Craigslist ads, I have come up with some general rules to follow to make sure that you're ad sells. And yes, it is an ad and it does need to sell. If you think of it in that way, you are a step up above most other posters.

This is a two part blog. Sorry, but I don't feel like typing all day. Deal with it.

Rule 1: Don't Tell Us You are a BBW  

We know that BBWs (Big Beautiful Woman) exist. They are basically woman who, if thin, would be considered hot. Unfortunately, they happen to be overweight, but usually they are still pretty. Most of you aren't BBWs. Sorry, it's a fact. There are far more ugly people in the world than there are pretty. So when you tell us you're a BBW without showing us a pic in the ad, you're really telling us you're just a fat chick who lies.

Rule 2: Don't Tell Us You've Never Done This Before

First off, we know you have. Most people who cruise the Craigslist personals section do so a lot, so there's a pretty good chance that you've done this before. I know, there's a first time for everyone, but just like when a woman or man tells us during a one night stand that they never do that kind of thing, we don't don't care and it only makes you look more shady. We're obviously looking for someone or else we wouldn't be skimming through personals.

Another thing, if you are going to lie and say that you've never done this, don't use abbreviations at all in your ad. I actually saw someone put:  SDNSDDFVGLBBWWF4SNSDDFVGLWM4LTR Which stands for Single, Divorced, Non-smoking, Drug and Disease Free, Very Good Looking, Big Beautiful Woman (see above), White, Female seeking Single, Non-smoking, Drug and Disease Free, Very Good Looking, White male for a Long Term Relationship. (I had to look these up) She was also 48... Something tells me that she hasn't found what she wants yet. Which leads me to:

Rule 3: Don't Be So Picky

Okay, like I said before I am completely cool with looking for love online. I have friends who have found husbands and wives online and they are all very happy. However, most people who spend all day online looking for love do so because they have had difficulty finding it in the real world and yes, no matter what you may think, there is still a difference. Sometimes this is because they are too busy to go out and hunt for a mate. Which brings up the question why do they think they have time for a significant other if they find someone online? But that's a different argument altogether.

Most people looking for ads can't find people in the real world because there is something off about them. They lack the essential social skills involved in impressing members of the opposite sex. Chances are, you are one of those people. It's pretty much a fact of life that people date at their own level. So, if you are a 5 don't ask for a 10. You probably couldn't land a 10 in real life, so why try on the internet? Not to mention, there aren't a lot of 10's reading personals because they are already taken or not interested in you (gay). I rate myself a strong 4.

Rule 4: Nude Pics

This one is mainly for the guys. If you are looking for a real relationship and not just a one night stand, leave off the dick pic. I know, your dick is the biggest, most beautiful, thing that God has ever created, but no one cares. Not many girls really want to know what your penis looks like. Why? Because they are ugly. Sorry, but men are only built for function. We leave the beauty to the women.

Ladies, you can listen to this part as well. Even if people respond to your ads with nude pics included, are they responding to you or your nudity? You may be able to pick some men or women up, but how many of them want something serious? No matter what you say in your ad, a nude pic tells everyone that you are just looking for sex, which is fine if that's what you want. However, hardly anyone respectable looking for love will respond.

Think of it this way. When you hook up with someone at a bar do you start a relationship with them after? Not usually. The same rule applies here.

Rule 5: Keep it Short

This is a personal ad, not a biography. Chances are, if your ad is longer than a paragraph no one will read it. Not only is it going to be boring, but it cuts out everything you would talk about on your first date. Just let us know a little about you. Leave some mystery. Tell us who you are and what you are looking for. Think of it as a radio or TV spot. If it takes longer than 30 seconds to read, your audience will change channels. I know, everyone's life is interesting, but you don't buy biographies of people you've never heard of.

We're done with part one. Leave comments! Part two should be rolling around next week!